We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
