if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
