C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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