I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
