and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
