My sheets look like a crime scene.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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