Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
that's an acceptable place to lick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
