Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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