it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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