What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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