she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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