I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
