I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
