I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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