it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
