Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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