last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
