Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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