btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
