On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
