Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
