I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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