no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
