moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
