You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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