You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
