Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
