Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
