This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
