I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
