i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have post one night stand depression
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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