I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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