I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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