Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
