I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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