How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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