If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize