Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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