my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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