there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
