Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
