My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
