She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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