Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
