now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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