Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
