Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
