I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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