So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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