white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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