So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
