i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
