we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
