are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
