Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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