Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
