Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize