Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
