Screwed.edu
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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