I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
