Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
