I'm really into asian looking animals
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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