Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
