What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
COCAINE IS GR8
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
