how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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