Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
